turtle nest

Tuesday, August 4th, 2009

Time:

10:28 pm.

going to cali in 2 days. god, i really need to get out of the house and experience life. today has been nice & relaxing..and stressful at the same time. my mom has just been bitching all day long. i understand that she may be stressed, but really bring the negativity towards me is not solving anything. ughhhh. work tomorrow all day & then i'm freeeee!! ....until tuesday atleast. :( i will update again with pictures and much more.

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Friday, July 24th, 2009

Time:

11:53 pm.

today was such a dragggg. work was long & brutal. but i survived, then i went out to lunch with my mom at olive garden. we got tiramisu for dessert, sooo yummy. i felt like throwing up afterwards because i was sooooo full! i'm just so drained. i cannot wait for my vacation to Cali! soooo neeeded. i've just been stressin' lately, ahhh. tomorrow i'm going to the pool with kara & get some relaxation in and then off to work i go.UGH. what a drag. blah.

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Thursday, July 23rd, 2009

Time:

10:53 pm.

so yesterday was quite eventful. and by eventful, it had it's ups & downs. i woke up at 7am for jury duty only to sit in a room for an hour & then get dismissed. so i started off my day really early & i liked it, then i went up to ocean city for the day to hang out & go on the beach with erik. i was backing out of a tight parking lot (i cant explain the set up but it's very conjoined)& i hit a pole and it broke my side mirror of my car! let me remind you that i've only had my new car for 4 days!! i was heated. and scared. and shocked. FUCK. i needed to do something about it but erik calmed me down and let me know everything was going to be okay. best friends come in handy. so we layed out on the beach & soaked up the sun and then went about finding a place to get my mirror replaced. we went back to salisbury and voila! like brand new. i was so thrilled but what a waste of money gogin out of my pocket again...sigh. then we got food & went over to cannopi's and just blazed on the back porch & talked about literally, everything. from prehistoric dinosaurs to birds to humans to the earth..quite interesting. i felt like we were compiling all this information that made sense at the time but who knows, maybe we were right?

today was quite exhausting, working double shifts are never fun. i'm so tired... but not really. i am such a hypocrit.

hey, hey! any new boys? no. because no boys are interested in me.

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Tuesday, July 21st, 2009

Time:

11:34 pm.

i have jury duty tomorrow morning. ughhh fuck. seriously, i just want to get away. i can't believe i still have a fucking curfew. i'm 19, i live at home, & i have a curfew. what is wrong with this picture?? ugh. i want to grow up. but it's hard when my parents are holding me back. i want to start my life, but it's hard when i have to stay in salisbury where there isn't SHIT to do. i need to breathe on my own without the consent of my parents. honestly..i may just be complaining, but hey. this is how i'm feeling. and i might as well just let it out.

it's hard when he doesnt tell me the god damn truth.i know he's lying to me & i know he bluffs all the time, but WHAT IN THE WORLD makes him think that i'm fucking okay with that??? i tell him all the time "it's the little things that matter" & "dont' tell me what you THINK i want to hear, but the truth" everything he lacks revolves around honesty. i dont know why..i've known him for 4 years & i still DONT KNOW WHY he does the things he does. it just doesnt' make sense...i want to move on. i want to move away.

why am i so emo when it comes to blogging? i promise i'm not like this.

...all the time.

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Monday, July 20th, 2009

Subject:	a year later...
Time:	11:14 pm.

i'm not doing this for the sake of updating, or for livejournal, or for anyone. i'm doing this for me. i'm doing this for what i have always been & have forgotten. i don't have a place where i can really, truly express my thoughts & openly about. i just want that security again where i can express my every thought & at the same time have it locked up.

this summer has been blah.. a lot has changed within the past year...boy, have a lot changed. i ended up having a little fling with the boy in my previous entry, it didn't work. we were too different of people but we still do keep in touch. he's moved on & so i have and i cant be more happier about that. erik, however, is still same ol' same ol'. i feel like we're both connected and are growing together but i dont want that. i want to MOVE ON & meet other people. but whenever i try, there's no one to move on to. there's no one i'm interested in. i dont know why...

am i the same person as i was before? sometimes, i don't even know who i was back then. i was reading past entries & i really can't remember why i use to be an angry person. life is so fragile, embrace every minute of it. we can't live in fear.

so here i am, turning over a new leaf, a year of my life undocumented, i'm ready to pick up where i left, and begin a new chapter..

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Monday, March 10th, 2008

Subject:	promote the hustle cus' it keeps me thin
Time:	6:34 pm.

i'm absolutely ready to leave this town. i cannot wait for what lies ahead of me. i'm so fucking over everything. only 2 and a half more months. i love the people in my life that have helped me pass everything by...i feel like i cant be real to MYSELF anymore..i can't be me. i'm always surrounded by people and i just want to be me like tonight..it's just me & look where i'm at. blogging. this is me. i'm a blogger, but i never have time anymore.. it's the only thing that gets me by. as much as people want to grow out of these stupid journals, think about what it would be like if you didnt' have one...i sure wouldn't know what to do.

( asklfakeglailskf.blah. )

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Sunday, March 2nd, 2008

Subject:	woah.
Time:	7:45 pm.

lately, i just cant ever find the time to write anymore...or when i do, i dont have the desire to. :( today i blazed with my friend and went to go see "the other boleyn girl" it was pretty good, it was interesting.